RDBMS:

1. Relational Database Management System.
2. The pinnacle of engineering in computer systems whereby data structures are held in highest regard while meaning is held in lowest.
3. A way of storing data most efficiently while obscuring meaning equally so.
4. Proof that engineers can destroy in decades what took philosophers millennia to create; of genius without understanding and confusion through standard.

Read-Only Memory:

1. 1. An enigma leaving the real question unanswered: who wrote to it, then?
2. Popular form of secure data store, in contrast to the even-more-secure Write-Only Memory.

Real Time:

1. Any system absent of a seven-second-delay.
2. Round the world broadcast of the senator propositioning the aide when he thought the mike was off.
3. Data that, when viewed by the executive on whom negative values would have their greatest impact, looks right and is complimentary.

Redundant:

1. Any hardware device, regardless of its critical function, that the IT Manager wants to take home to host his own WoW game.
2. The second programming resource on every project. (Mythical)
3. Every mandatory staff meeting.

Redundant:

1. Any hardware device, regardless of its critical function, that the IT Manager wants to take home to host his own WoW game.
2. The second programming resource on every project. (Mythical)
3. Every mandatory staff meeting.

Refactor:

Putting design into a piece of code after it’s written.

Release Candidate:

1. The convicted, who, having served his time, may petition for release.
2. The consultant, who, having consumed all budgeted resources, may petition for release of his code.
3. Whatever a program looks like on its release date.

Release Date:

1. Unmovable day on which a program or version will be freed to cause it’s greatest havoc.
2. Chosen by rigorous estimation and mathematics usually around the point of the dart sinking into a demarked section of a calendar.

Release Management:

1. The job of parent in a room full of adolescents.
2. Not so much management of the release, as managing the managers who mistake the seven-day creation for a single event.
3. Simultaneously spinning the plates of revision control, bug fixes, feature planning, requirements, development resources, support, training, production, distribution, artwork, standards, executives, investors, and stakeholders.
4. Predicate to a monastic life.

Reporting:

1. Making the twisted straight.
2. Order from chaos.
3. Rendering the comprehensible from the incomprehensible.
4. Not that rock.

Requirement:

1. Any of the myriad Santa’s wish list of hopes and wants formally collected, usually from staff members who have the least understanding of the business.
2. Excruciatingly detailed sequence of physical activities and mechanics executed in performance of a duty, without the slightest reference to the ultimate goal nor of the business artifact.
3. Any of the Use Cases, told in the format of an anecdote with a funny punch-line, by the Vice President in charge of anything, over lunch from Subway.
4. The combined and undocumented corporate memory of any conversation between the least of the corporate staff in even the most informal context.
5. Add-in.

As all consultants know, weird costs extra.

Responsive Web Design:

1. Breakthrough effort to maximize confusion during development of a single web page, where a more reasonable approach would have provided three or more.
2. Utilization of scripting languages where once only elements roamed, where wholly new versions of language, styles, and layouts, as well as document models, were necessary for such sorcery to work.
3. The maturation of the browser-based-development world into something so bloated, intrusive, insecure, and offensive to both developer and user that any disinterested observer would logically conclude that it was a Microsoft^© product.
4. Management’s conclusion that, given the opportunity to employ misdirection within web pages consuming 30 percent of a client’s memory, it’s more expensive to design a good site than a tricky one.

Retirement:

1. The party where your grandfather got a gold watch for his long service to the company.
2. The event where you get eulogized for working yourself into retirement.

Risk:

1. One of the internal states of software development.
2. The cost of hiring programmers.
3. Whatever threatens the project manager’s job.

Rollback

1. The automated function of reverting to a previously-working system condition.
2. The fantasy imagined by IT managers supposing that their systems and practitioners can revert to a previously-working system condition.
3. The inevitable result of taking the chocks from the wheels of the service bus after parking the data on a steep incline.
4. The last observable movement, attributed to Newtonian laws of motion, of the head of the lower-most scapegoat on whom is dealt the terminal response when the untested tools are used, after the emergency, in a vain attempt to revert a system to it’s last previously working condition.

Immediately after ramming his new sedan into the garage wall instead of backing out of the garage, Mr. Farnswood Macalheney put the car into reverse in a desperate attempt to rollback time and fix the damage.

Rust

never sleeps

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